Face the Alienation June 6, 2008
Posted by zontarthemagnificent in Celebrity Farts, Current Farts, General Farts, Political Farts.Tags: a public service, alienation, american politics, anger management and McCain, barack hussein obama, bill clinton, blowjobs, democratic party, earthlings, election 2008, electoral process, face the alienation, face the nation, fart, farts, fellatio, flatulence, gay sex obama and osama, here's johnny, hillary clinton, holy scripture, humble zontar, hussein, i am famous, illegal alien, illegal immigrant, iraq, jeremiah wright, john McCain, living in america, many subscribers, McCain, McCain farting, McCain has bad temper, McCain is flatulent, McCain is unstable, monica lewinsky, obama, obama loves osama, obama terrorist sympathizer, osama bin laden, outerspace, politics, presidential election, primary process, problem with bowels, republican party, secret photos of obama, shame on you!, super delegates, the clintons, top secret obama, war, zontar, zontar for president
24 comments
Greetings, Earthlings!
Due to his unfortunate status as an illegal alien, Zontar is denied the privilege of voting. It has been particularly painful due to the most amusing primary process the “United States” has been enjoying as of late. However, just because Zontar cannot vote himself does not mean that he cannot greatly influence the electoral process.
Zontar has untold millions of loyal followers who hang on to his every word as if it were holy scripture. Zontar’s blog has so many subscribers that this pitiful server cannot show the exact numbers. Zontar has more influence and power than all the “super delegates” put together.
Therefore, as a public service Zontar will succinctly analyze this current election. Read, Learn, Obey!
First, as far as the Republican party is concerned Zontar is most concerned over the selection of Mr. McCain. In Zontar’s eyes Mr. McCain is a bit too enthusiastic over the unfortunate conflict in Iraq, plus he has a certain reputation as being a trifle unstable.
On the Democratic side, voters were given the golden opportunity to elect the redoubtable spouse of the recipient of the most famous act of fellatio in the history of mankind.
The voters unfortunately rejected Madame Clinton and they will forever regret it.
The most disturbing aspect of this current election season is the selection of Barack HUSSEIN Obama as the Democratic nominee.
Zontar has obtained some photos which the Obama camp does not want you to see. One can understand why. If you were Obama would you want the electorate to see you in your undisguised state?
It is also quite understandable why Mr. Obama and his advisers tried to play down his association with the ever amusing Jeremiah Wright and one of Obama’s oldest friends:
That is right, my fellow seekers of truth on life’s highway. Obama’s dearest friend, his childhood playmate, his roommate at Harvard, is the most monstrous terrorist in the history of mankind. Should we hand over the office of the president of the United States to someone who was most likely in on the planning of 9/11? I think not! Instead he should be sent forthwith to the torture chambers of Guantanamo Bay and be forced to divulge the shameful truth!
The alternate of Mr. McCain being elected as the leader of the free world is not acceptable. Zontar, through his gift of second sight has a vision of McCain being awakened at 3 a.m. and unleashing nuclear warheads into the atmosphere for no good reason other than being in a sour mood from losing his sleep. Old folks do get moody!
Also would you want your president to have no more control of his bowels than this?
If Zontar could run he would, but the fascistic constitution forbids an illegal alien from a different galaxy from becoming president.
But fear not, no matter the outcome this November, Zontar will be there to provide you with his insights and wisdom.
Hail to the Chief!
Hail Zontar!!
Bush: A Flatulent Mind May 29, 2008
Posted by zontarthemagnificent in Political Farts.Tags: born again christian, born born with only half a brain, brainless child, brains, bush, bush farts a lot, bush has spunk, bush is flatulent, bush is simpleton, bush is the greatest president ever, bush quotes, bush's brain, bush's discharges, carbon emissions, cerebellum, christians, earthlings, fart, farting, farts, flatulent emissions, flatulent mind, gaseous episode, george bush a noble man, government, hail zontar, i speak the truth, iraq, is our children learning, mental handicap, mentally retarded, mindless cretins, mr bush, passing gas, politics, prank, presidency of bush, president, purging, purging emissions, rectums, retarded, retarded bush, retarded president, smelly farts, society's prejudice, supreme being, supreme mind, temporal lobe, the average american, united states, willful child, zontar
1 comment so far
Greetings Earthlings!
Zontar, the beneficent scribe of all that is true and just, described recently a virulent attack of multiple hemorrhoids. I am happy to announce that Zontar has recovered fully from said affliction, and he wishes to thank the many well-wishers who urged him to regain his good health and be returned back to all so he may spread his kindness, deep intelligence and insights. Thank you loyal minions! While in his sick bed of agony to which he was sentenced, Zontar was overcome by many flatulent emissions. The smell reminded him of his beloved home of Xenon, where the atmosphere is redolent of farts. This nostalgic reverie prompted your beloved Zontar to muse on a variety of subjects. Zontar confesses that his most brilliant insights are derived during the act of purging emissions from his multiple rectums.
During Zontar’s most recent gaseous episode Zontar, who was watching your Earthly television, saw on a broadcast of recent events (your so-called “news”) an image of the president of your so-called “United States”. Zontar was struck by an insight and, as Zontar is in a most benevolent mood given the many get well cards he received, decided to reveal a Truth which is sorely in need of divulging. That is that Mr. Bush is the greatest president who has ever had the privilege of residing in the White House!
Pshaw, the average American may interject at this point. “Zontar! Have you lost your brilliant, multifaceted and supreme mind?! Dubya is the greatest president?! The moron who got us into that ridiculous Iraqi war for absolutely no valid reason whatsoever? That idiot that can’t string a sentence together without making at least 12 grammatical errors?! Zontar I am so disappointed in you! Shame! Double Shame!!”.
Zontar can understand such a reaction, due to the fact that Zontar is above such pettiness. Just because some inferior being mocks Zontar, Zontar is very mature and understands that they cannot begin to comprehend to understand the depth of intelligence of such a superior mind as Zontar possesses. Zontar will try to explain to you, beloved reader, owner of an inferior Earthling brain, the logic behind Zontar’s assertion.
Zontar can vouchsafe why some people would mock his opinion. In pure Earthly terms, Mr. Bush does come across as somewhat slow. Observe him in action:
While Zontar does applaud Mr. Bush’s spirited discharges, Zontar does admit to Mr. Bush not always appearing “presidential” at all times.
Also, observe some of the utterances which spring forth from Mr. Bush seem not as erudite as they could be:
“Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.” —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
“There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
“Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6
“They misunderestimated me.” —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000
“Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?” —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000
“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
Zontar does not make rash judgments. Just because someone comes across as an abject simpleton and fool doesn’t mean anything. Zontar looks at the big picture, cogitates, observes some more, then comes up with Absolute Truth. Zontar will now share the aforementioned Truth to you, unworthy mortal!
Mr. Bush, even though he had the supposed advantage of being born into a very wealthy and powerful family, had many strikes against him from the beginning. Zontar, who has many friends and contacts, has discovered the heartbreaking truth which Mr. Bush has fought against all his life: he was born with only half a brain. To be precise he possesses only a cerebellum and only a fraction of his temporal lobe. All the rest of his brain is absent. What this means in layman’s terms is that it is physically impossible for him to reason, use logic, make decisions on his own or speak without embarrassing himself. To demonstrate proof, Zontar has obtained a copy of Mr. Bush’s latest MRI which shows the unfortunate condition of what can only be mercifully described as a brain:
Zontar was aghast and sore amazed at his findings! It then dawned upon Zontar what a supremely noble man George W. Bush is! He had much more to contend with in his life with than something as mundane as being born in a log cabin. Normally, such children as George would have been put into a home and then forgotten by their families. They would live a meaningless existence, their only activities comprised of staring blankly into space, expunging their bowels and bladders, and drooling incessantly. George would have none of it.
He lifted himself out of the pit the brainless normally wallow in and fought against society’s prejudices against mindless cretins. Through an amazing serendipitous string of luck he became the President of the United States. That is why Zontar thinks Mr. Bush is a very great man. He’s got spunk!
But Zontar can dismiss the Iraq affair as the prank of a naughty, willful and brainless child. What frightens Zontar is that there are people who believe that this Iraqi war is totally justifiable and winnable. At least Mr. Bush has an excuse for this opinion.
Hail All Wise and Knowing Esteemed Leader of the Free Word!
Hail Zontar!!
Zontar, The Fart Master! 